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Despite what you might like to believe, your teen is probably engaging in some type of sexual activity. Gulp.
In my profession, I talk about sex to teens regularly about the topic. And of course, it’s no surprise that many cite peer pressure as a primary motivator to “get in the game.” Fourteen-year-old Alex acted after his prep school dorm mates taunted him for being a virgin; sophomore Billy “did it” when a girl handed him a condom at a party and told him to take his clothes off; and Ellen said, “I turned 17 and it was like, ‘Well, I have to have sex now.’ So I did.”
Likewise, when asked if their parents have broached the subject with them, most largely replied, “No.”
Psychiatrist Lynn Ponton, author of The Sex Lives of Teenagers, confirms most teens have sex lives, whether in fantasy, with themselves, or with others. Yet, many teens report family conversations about puberty, sexuality, and sex are the exception rather than the rule.
Frankly, that’s too bad, because as you would guess, young people clearly benefit from “the talk” with their parents—a candid dialogue about the good ol’ “birds and the bees”—and about their changing bodies and behaviors.
Talk to Your Teens
According to research from Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD), more than half of teens whose parents provide a strong level of guidance on the topic say they avoid sexual activity (52 percent), compared with those whose parents don’t (27 percent).
So, what to say? Here are some “gentle” conversation starters you might try with your teen.
- There are a lot of changes going on now. You probably think it seems like everything is different, from how you interact with your friends to how you feel about me to what’s happening to your body. These are all things we should talk about.
- Sometimes young people can feel incredible peer pressure to engage in sexual behavior before they are ready. Do you know someone who has had to deal with that? Are you feeling this pressure?
- It’s important to know that you are in charge of your body and what to do with it! Whatever decisions you make, they should be decisions you want to make.
- Many teens wonder about their sexuality and what to do with sexual feelings, as well as when is the right time to become sexually active with someone else. What do you think is right for you?
- There can be a lot at stake when it comes to sex, and one decision can have long-term or even lasting consequences. What do you think some of those may be?
- Many young people confuse sexuality with sex. Sexuality is an important part of identity formation and helps us learn “who we are.” But that doesn’t mean having to have sex.
- Maybe you and I, together, can try to figure out when you feel you are old enough, and mature enough, to engage in sexual behavior.
Bringing up sex can be a difficult conversation to have for sure. But with patience and no small amount of courage, you can help your teen better understand the physical and emotional risks of sexual behavior, the responsibilities that come with mutually caring and respectful relationships, and standards for acceptable behavior. Remember, there’s no better time to guide your teen’s choices than now.
By Stephen Gray Wallace, M.S.Ed.
The post Let’s Talk About Sex: How to Approach Your Teen About the Topic appeared first on TeenLife.